You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
