sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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