i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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