is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
