wrigley field is MILF paradise
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
