Define "chronic" masturbator.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
being pregnant is like rehab
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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