The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
