I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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