We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
