i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
