I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
