Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
