giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
