My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
