After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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