no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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