I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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