I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
