My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize