Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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