My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
