So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
