Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
