I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
