I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
