i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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