It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
