let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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