I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
