how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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