At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
