Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
