I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
