Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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