She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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