mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
