I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
