would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
