I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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