Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
