WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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