just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
