He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
