So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
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don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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