You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
