grandma shit on top of the toilet
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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