you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
