i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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