Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I need to stop coming to work sober
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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