You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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