It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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