If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
