i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
