FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
