worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
