yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
