Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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