Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize