We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
