why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
