Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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