textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
