Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
