i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
