I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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