pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
