I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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