we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
