Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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