I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
