i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
