Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
