its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
