I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
